you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
