People in love make me want to vomit
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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