We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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