you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
