I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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