I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Randomize
