dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
