Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
