dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
