Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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