I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
