if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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