Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
