she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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