Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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