just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
