i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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