if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize