i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
