I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
