If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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