Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
