Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
