don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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