As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
