ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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