i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
