i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
