just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
