i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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