He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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