i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
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