I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
