He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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