I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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