Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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