I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize