I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
