We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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