This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
