she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize