apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
