he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
