i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
