May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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