All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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