so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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