Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
