I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize