There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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