the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
