Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
