super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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