i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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