walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
