Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The power of my boobs compel you
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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