we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
