Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
