you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
