Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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