When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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