We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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