he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize