the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
