I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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