it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
