I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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