Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
