please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
