there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
