I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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