I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
