clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
