I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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