weddingsv make me drug and hornr
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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