We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
