found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize