and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
