I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
