Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
