i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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