plz talk dirty to me
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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