U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize