I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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