I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
