i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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