I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
