Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
where are my eyebrows?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
