Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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