he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize