I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
