no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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