i jhust puked up my retainher.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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