he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize