Duck Duck Cougar?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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