I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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