My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
