I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
