Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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